GeoPort Teleporter User Guide

USER GUIDE: 
SURETRANSIT  GEOPORT™  TELEPORTATION DEVICE

THANK YOU for purchasing the SureTransit GEO-PORT™ teleportation device! Proper use of this device will ensure years of service, allowing your customers quick and efficient travel at a very low cost.

This high-quality teleportation product is built to exacting standards, but if you should experience a problem not covered in TROUBLESHOOTING, please visit our website at www.geoport-teleporters.com for additional information or to submit a request for technical help. If you still need assistance, call us at 1-800-555-1212. In Canada, call us at 1-800-555-8077.
You will need to provide your model and serial number, located on the product specification plate, which is the brass panel to the right of the activation panel.

SAVE THIS USER GUIDE! THESE INSTRUCTIONS, WARNINGS, AND TROUBLESHOOTING STEPS ARE IMPORTANT!

DANGER: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANY PART OF THIS TELEPORTER BE PUT IN YOUR MOUTH. GeoPort Technologies cannot be held responsible for any subsequent dental repair costs.

ABOUT YOUR DEVICE

Your teleporter is based upon scientific principles communicated to all of humanity during First Contact with the Cephian race. This technology allows for instantaneous travel to many places on Earth and even the solar system.

There are two types of teleporters: Fixed-destination devices tuned to a hardcoded location, and variable-destination teleporters, which can be tuned to any location desired by the operator. This user manual covers both variations.

IMPORTANT: VARIABLE-LOCATION TELEPORTERS ARE EXCLUSIVELY FOR USE BY DESIGNATED GOVERNMENT AGENCIES OR LICENSED TELEPORTING SPACE VESSELS. UNAUTHORIZED POSSESSION OF A VARIABLE-DESTINATION TELEPORTER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN, AND POSSESSION MAY RESULT IN SERIOUS FELONIES, WITH PUNISHMENTS TO INCLUDE INCARCERATION AND FINES, AS WELL AS SUBSTANTIAL EMBARASSMENT.

FOR FIXED-DESTINATION EARTH-SPECIFIC TELEPORTERS: Your teleporter is tuned to open a destination teleportation portal at a fixed terrestrial location assigned by I.R.A.A.

THERE ARE NO FIXED-DESTINATION SOLAR-SYSTEM TELEPORTERS. The variables of Earth rotation, Earth orbit, destination rotation, and destination orbit makes calculations too complex. 

IF YOU HAVE A FIXED-DESTINATION TELEPORTER, DO NOT TAMPER WITH THE DESTINATION LOCATION TUNING MODULE IN ANY  WAY. TAMPERING WITH THE DESTINATION LOCATION TUNING MODULE IS A SERIOUS FELONY AND CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS HARM OR DEATH!

Your device will require electrical power to operate. Your model will show the voltage and amperage required for a single teleportation of an object or person of a specific mass. These figures are also found on the product specification plate, which is the brass plate to the right of the operating panel.

WARNING: Supply, at a minimum, the electrical power that is indicated on your product specification plate. Supplying too little power may cause the device to fail to operate. There is no benefit or danger to supplying more than the indicated minimum.

DANGER: FOR SAFETY PURPOSES, ONLY ALLOW ONE LIVING BEING OR DISCRETE SET OF OBJECTS TO TRANSIT AT A TIME. Please see the article in Teleporter Times Weekly, volume 112, pp. 46-52, in which five llamas, teleported simultaneously, were combined into one very ugly, very messy pile of fur and guts. GeoPort Technologies cannot be held responsible for legal liability -- or any cleanup -- if this warning is not heeded.

The device will sense the mass of the object to be teleported and draw the required power for a successful transit.

There should be no need for you to perform any setup of your device. Our trained technicians will set up the device. Do not alter any component, as safety and operation cannot be guaranteed, and such action will also void your warranty.

OPERATION OF YOUR DEVICE

Operation of the SureTransit GEO-PORT™ teleportation device is extremely simple, so simple that a caveman should be able to operate it.

(WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW A CAVEMAN TO OPERATE YOUR TELEPORTER!)

See the illustration below, which shows the configuration of the operating panel:

The Control Panel consists of the following components.·     

• A lock and keyset system. Please lock your teleporter out when not in use. If lost, replacement keys can be ordered and sent to your location. Contact our support line listed above for help.
• Warm Up button. When the teleporter is switched on, it takes a few moments to warm up. Push this button to start the process. 
  The green light labeled “Operational and Ready” should illuminate.
  WARNING: DO NOT HIRE THE COLORBLIND TO OPERATE THIS TELEPORTER.
• Activation button. When the green light is illuminated, the operator may open the teleporter portal pair by pressing this button. I mean, DUH.
• Emergency Stop button. In the unlikely event of an emergency, simply press this button and the teleporter will immediately shut down. Emergencies can consist of any natural phenomenon: Fire, hurricane, tornado, lava, swarms of insects, invasion by large amounts of lemurs, or the unexpected presence of any politician.
• One indicator bears mention: The red light labeled “Teleporter Denial System detected”. The presence of a Teleporter Denial System field will cause the teleporter to fail to function.

TROUBLESHOOTING
This maintenance-free teleporter is very unlikely to need any troubleshooting, so in the event of a malfunction, please perform the following steps:

• Shut down the teleporter by removing the key.
• Reboot the teleporter by reinserting the key and pressing the Warm Up button

If these steps fail to correct the malfunction, please perform the following step.

• Pay your electric bill.

If none of these steps help correct the problem, please call us at our support number listed above, and we will be equally as powerless as you in finding the problem… but at least we will make supportive comments while we, together, bemoan your issue..

INSTRUCTIONS FOR VARIABLE-DESTINATION TELEPORTERS
Variable-destination teleporters are only licensed for operation by specific government agencies or spacefaring teleporter ships. If you have this model, please see the attached addendum on how to select a destination and operate the device.

MERCHANDISE

We at GeoPort Technologies are proud of our product, and you should be proud of owning one! We offer various ‘bling’ in the form of coffee cups, hoodies, luggage, handbags, and pen and pencil sets. If your country permits blatant sexism, we even have a Teleported Hottie of the Month calendar. (Get this. The girls are cute!) Please find our inventory of branded merchandise in the catalog that came with this guide. Note that we only accept BitCoin at this time. Using only BitCoin helps us get away with it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Teleportation is instantaneous; therefore, the airliner custom of handing out tiny bags of peanuts is optional. However, we do offer branded nut bags if you wish to get some. Also, if you wish to make teleportation a little more fun, remember to advise your travelers to scream “I’m alive!” (for dramatic effect) when they arrive at their destination.

Happy flick-tripping!